Getting ready for labor and delivery can be such an exciting time. Along with the excitement can also come nerves and anxiety – thinking about the physical and emotional marathon you’re about to embark on. There’s no shortage of information sources out there, from countless YouTube videos to tons of articles, comprehensive books, and birthing classes, to name a few – things can become overwhelming and robotic real quick. I’m sure your friends, family, colleagues, or random strangers will also offer their advice to you – some of it will be helpful, and some will be outdated, inappropriate, or even offensive.
Ultimately, it’s your call on how to tackle this big adventure. In this post, I’ll share the personal things I learned through my birthing journey, and I hope you find it helpful.
1. Remember what they say about best-laid plans.
It’s pretty standard to have a birth plan – there are tons of templates out there, though I found it challenging to find one that was brief and relevant. I’m not a doctor, and I didn’t want a birth plan that had detailed medical specifics – I wanted to trust my doctors to make the best decisions while creating space for my partner and me to welcome a healthy baby safely. The most crucial distinction we made was that this was NOT a plan etched in stone but a list of our preferences.
We planned to have a healthy baby. Our preference was to make the experience as comfortable as possible.
I used a simple template from Babycenter, which covers the basics, including pain management. A few additional notes we added:
– We used Cord Blood Registry to bank the cord blood. Initially, we wanted to also delay cord clamping, but the medical staff advised that this would limit the amount of blood we could bank. So, we prioritized banking over delayed clamping. This is an example of a decision you can read about online, but it’s best to discuss it with your medical team to ensure you’re making an informed decision.
– We planned to turn the placenta into vitamins using Pluscenta, however in the end, due to an infection in labor, we were unable to do this.
2. Bring your vibe to the room
From the moment I found out I was pregnant, I feared childbirth! My mum had four C-Sections, and most friends who had given birth didn’t go into the nitty-gritty detail about their experiences, so I didn’t know what to expect beyond what you see in movies and the graphic videos in my birthing class (and I suspected they used the most uncomplicated, clean, straightforward births possible).
Ultimately, I knew I wanted to create a calm experience because I expected labor to turn chaotic at some point, and I wanted to try my best to keep my nerves under control. To do this, we:
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- Spritzed lavender calming spray
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- Brought a speaker from home and played a chill ’90s R&B playlist
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- Listened to sleep stories and meditations on Calm to help promote relaxation and sleep
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- Turned the room into a spa day by doing face masks and hair braids (the nurses thought it was hilarious)
This helped set a calm atmosphere, which was necessary given that my birth did, in fact, turn complicated.
3. Trust Your Body and Advocate For Yourself
Whether this is your first or tenth baby, only you know what you feel in your body. Doctors and nurses may have experience and qualifications, but they can’t feel what you feel. In my experience, healthcare providers are wonderful, but their job is mainly procedural – they need you to tell them when you feel pain or discomfort. It might sound obvious, but little bits of pain or feeling a change in your temperature might be signs that you need attention. During my delivery, an infection that led to an emergency C-Section was only uncovered after I complained of pain and fever numerous times.
So the learning is – whatever minor discomfort you may feel, if it seems off, speak up immediately and often until you’re heard. If you’ve told a nurse that you feel pain, not just discomfort, and nothing changes – speak to a doctor and have your birth partner or support system speak up as well.
I did not have a doula in my delivery room (I had my mamma bear who came in very handy). Still, I recommend a doula for those who don’t feel comfortable speaking up, who need an extra helping hand, or advice, or who may be concerned about unconscious bias or discrimination hindering their ability to be heard.
4. Be proactive about your mental health
As someone who works hard at keeping my mental health under control, I found experiencing mood swings during my pregnancy extremely difficult. Even before birth, I was concerned about postpartum blues and depression, so I talked to my OBGYN and engaged a therapist within the same hospital network. This helped me deal with stress during my fourth trimester, talk out anxiety leading up to my due date, and, most importantly, establish a relationship and rhythm for postpartum support. Regardless of my mood, I have a bi-weekly session with my therapist. It’s a proactive safety net that comes in handy when working through the beautiful but challenging early days of parenthood.
While it can be tempting to plan every detail of your birth, I encourage you to keep an open mind. My birth mantra was “GO WITH THE FLOW.” There may be tests or IVs or situations that you didn’t anticipate, big or small. Keeping an open mind will help you to make the right choices for your new family without being too anxious about delivery perfection.
